I'm so sorry, my darling Career, it's not you, it's me. Actually, I think it's both of us. We've been together in some sort of way for about a decade now, but it's just not working out. You see, all this time you've been hiding your feelings from me: that you think I'm not a very good writer, that I don't cope with deadlines, that I'm a little over-trusting and naive. You might be right.
And as for me, well, I've probably not been very committed to you either. I've been seeing a Life on the side, and frankly I find it more fulfilling and interesting than I find sitting down with you for eight hours a day. Life knows how to treat me: photography, knitting, books, my partner, dogs, sunshine, friends, and so on.
Yes it's true, all of these things seem to require that little frisson of excitement which you provided by monopolising all my time -- it made the stolen moments with my life oh so much sweeter. Oh and money, which you always provided in a grudging but usually reliable manner.
But lately those two things have been pretty lacking, frankly, and I just seem to spend a lot of time in my pyjamas reading blogs and waiting for you to call. I've left god-only-knows how many messages with you, and I've emailed you, and sent you little reminders, and if I look in my 'Job Hunting' folder on my PC I can count just how many times I've tried to bridge the gap between us. Cearly, however, it's not enough for you to even bother about me anymore, and I'm not sure I know how to even try anymore.
And as for the money... I don't want to come across as overly entitled, but honestly, you think for all the work I did -- all the 14 hour days, the missed family events, the weekends I spent with you, the degree and the HECS, the sucking up to sociopathic bosses, the boring hours of mindless administrivia, and that thing that happened on the yacht -- I'd in a slightly better shape financially. I don't want to be rich, I've never expected that, but I did hope for a regular pay packet, enough to keep me above the breadline, so to speak.
Of course some of this, much of this, is my own fault. Friends and family warned me that maybe you weren't the right one. They told me it would be hard, if I did pursue you, but for a while it seemed like you wanted to pursue me right back. But then the sour times set in, and I could see them all thinking 'we told you so'. And indeed they did.
So I think it might be time to say goodbye, Career. There are other people you could be seeing and I think they'd suit you better, and I think I might need a new direction. Even a new Career, and I guess I need to admit I've been looking around.
I'll always cherish our time together, especially those brief moments where it seemed like I was talented and interesting and worth giving money to; and you were fulfilling and possibly even leading somewhere better.
Ps -- if you do change your mind, you know where to find me.