TMI (Way TMI)

Ducky has one of those wonderful posts up, as she often does, which sparked me to write a very long response. Which I then thought I should put up here instead of mucking up her comments box. Don't read on if you don't want to know about my leg hair.

Sorry for anyone with a feed reader, suffice to say you'll just have to STOP RIGHT HERE if you're grossed out by such things.

Anyway, here it is: I've tried to love my own underarm hair. Other people's doesn't bother me -- my mum doesn't shave her legs or her armpits so I grew up in a home where shaving was considered rather odd.

In fact, I had to buy some girly razors on the sly when I was 16 after being teased mercilessly about having hairy legs at school (and for being fat and bespectacled and being related to a disabled person, of course). Also I had a huge crush on a boy and my friends said if I had hairy legs he'd never like me. He never liked me anyway, not until several years later after I'd been overseas and lost a lot of weight and stopped wearing my glasses to pubs, and he tried to pick me up and I laughed in his face. Sweet sweet revenge.

But anyway, I just can't love my body hair. And there's lots of beauty stuff I don't do: make-up and ouchy shoes and not-comfy undies and low-carb diets. Let alone plastic surgery.  Especially not on the lady bits. 

Though I will admit if there were a magic non-toxic cream I could rub on my stomach to make it flatter and smoother I probably would, because I tend to focus all of my negative feelings about my body onto my little belly rolls. Bad belly! Of course, there is a health reason for keeping one's weight down, especially if you're an apple shape like I am, and my dad has just been diagnosed with type II diabetes. But I won't pretend that I was just thinking about my health when I dragged myself out of bed at 6am this morning to go to a kick-boxing class.

But I digress.  This is about the hair.

I do shave my underarms nearly every day, my legs once or twice a week, and I wax the ole bikini line in summer.

The thing is, I know removing body hair is about conforming to a patriarchal beauty standard and about emphasising the differences between men and women's bodies as much as possible. But I can't let it go. It's too risky for me. Now when I let the hair grow I feel icky and grotty unless I shave it.

This is, of course, how the patriarchy works. Things that are totally culturally inscribed are positioned as natural and inevitable and right, and we internalise these impulses to a huge extent. I mean, it's ridiculous to be bothered by one's own leg hair! And yet, bothered I am.

As I said, other people's grooming choices -- with the exception of dreadlocks or overwhelming lack of hygiene -- don't bother me much.  So if you are a hairy underarm type person, I'm cool with that. But I'm going to continue to be a unhairy underarm person for at least a while, I think. However, I entreat you to come and admire my sensible and comfortable shoes.

Comments

[ampersandduck]

Yay Kate! You know, for me it's all about personal comfort zones and personal acceptance. What bothers me is when other people try to dictate how we should look.

When we were courting Best Beloved said he wouldn't really care if I had hairy legs, but he really likes them shaved, and I don't mind shaving them and they feel nice, so I kept shaving. When he said he would rather I shaved under the arms I drew the line and refused (see the comments on my post, Bernice gives all the reasons) and he was cool with that, which only made me love him more, really. I don't ask him to wax his balls, even though that would make life easier, doncha think? ;)

BTW, I've had one of those sweet revenge transformation experiences and they are THE BEST. They're the only reason school reunions exist, I reckon, and now I've done it I never need go to another one.

[otherkate(we need better names)]

The only people I know who've ever dared tell me that I should conform to their standards of hairlessness were women. Lesbian women. One was (and still is) a friend who took my response ("get stuffed") in the spirit it was intended, the other was my then girlfriend. We broke up shortly after she used the phrase "I could never sleep with a woman with hairy legs", because I could never sleep with someone that shallow. Patriarchy sneaks up on you from unexpected quarters sometimes and befriends internalised homophobia. Now I have a male partner, and he couldn't care less, so long as I don't care that he doesn't shave his face every day either. So sometimes I have waxed or shaved legs and/or arms to go with a girly dressy arrangement of clothing, and sometimes I don't.

[weathergirl]

Same here. I don't shave my armpits, unless I'm going to a society wedding and have to wear a sleeveless frock, and don't want to shock the old bloo-bloods.

I wouldn't agonise about this, Kate. We're all victims of conformity in some way or another. You're hardly letting down the sisterhood because you shave now and then.

Last night my partner and I watched 'Crimes of Fashion', which was fun and really lame (most of the commentators were shithouse, and looked worse than the 'fashion criminals' they bitched about). Then we watched 'Beauty and the Geek', a horrendous reality show where male Mensa Geeks are stuck in a mansion with a pack of solariumed lingerie models who spend most of their time preening. Partner said to me, "Gawd, I'm glad you don't wear make-up and do all that nonsense." (Yet here's someone who fantasises about red lipstick when... oh, never mind.) Thing is, I DO do all that stuff, occasionally. And he doesn't notice.

[otherkate(we need better names)]

The Bloke would flat out refuse to leave the house with me if I was wearing high heels. He strongly discourages his female friends from wearing them either - he's been to one too many parties with women in uncomfortable shoes who whined all night. I have tried to explain that we can't all wear Blunnies everywhere, but he's not listening.

[Kate]

Ducky, it was a good moment, and I still find a great deal of evil pleasure in it.

otherkate, I do think women spend a lot of time policing other women in every way. I have a few theories as to why but I don't want to bore everyone...

Weathergirl, Mr Kate has said a few times how glad he is that I'm not one of those girls who spends hours getting ready. Of course, he always complements me on the rare occasions that I do.

otherkate again, this is true, and I find walking anywhere with people clad in high-heels is very frustrating. You're always waiting. Then again, I've been the one everyone's always waiting for a few times myself.

[dogpossum]

Dood, the only opinion on your body hair that matters is yours.
I mean, I keep the hair on my head really really short because I can't hack the feeling of long hair all over me (I'm drowning! I'm drowning!), I pluck my eyebrows (sometimes), yet I don't care about the other hairy bits. It's a matter of taste.
You gotta wear that body to bed - I figure make it exactly right for _you_ to sleep in. And screw everything else.

[Ariel]

Agreed about personal comfort zones and acceptance. Everyone has their own little peccadilloes, I think. One of my best friends is a committed feminist who doesn't shave (legs or armpits) for reasons of principle, but loves her manicures and lipstick. I like a bit of eye make-up most days, and shave my legs, armpits and bikin line because it's the way I prefer to look, but I don't care wht anyone else does. And, yes, there's definitely some high school conditioning there. I once shaved my arms in high school because a boy I liked laughed at my hairy arms. My mother was furious and I never did it again.

Interesting posts, Kate and Duck.

[worldpeace_and_aspeedboat]

I'm similar to you, Kate. I can't get very comfortable with my own body hair but I really don't care what others do with theirs... on one hand it may be Teh Eeeeeval Patriarchy at work, on the other hand it may well be just what makes you feel comfortable with yourself. whatever works, works.

and I love the feeling of freshly-shaved legs, Ducky, it makes me want to find someone to feel them! oooh errr ;-)

[susozs]

I've wanted to write on this subject for some time as I'm a complete non-shaver and that's a lonely position to be in these days. Too busy to write it now, though.