I am sorry, I have been busy.
I have also been a bit down and really, if blogging has taught me anything, it's that People Find Depression Boring and You Should Keep the Woe Is Me to a Minimum. So I have decided not to inflict you all with round 978 of why I feel like crap -- it's the usual reasons, really, lashings of self-doubt creamed with a delicious sauce of loneliness and topped with the thick sugary layer of self-pity.
Hmmn. That sounds kind of yummy. Blues Cake! Depression Torte! F*cked up brain chemistry pudding! Why won't the voice in my head shut-up creme caramel!
Anyhoo, I have a dilemma. I have never been a bridesmaid. Evah. This is no doubt due to a number of factors: my tendency to befriend lesbians, my inability to live anywhere long enough to cement a friendship to bridesmaid stage, my snarky comments about the bridal industrial complex, and the fact that I don't really have a lot of close friends because I am not the sort of person who makes friends easily blah blah depression-cakes and so forth.
So I had come to terms with my non-bridesmaid status as one by one my friends shuffled to the altar with other people in their bridal parties, came out of the closet, or just eschewed marriage altogether for babies and happy non-wedded status.
And then I was asked to be a bridesmaid! Yahoo! Never mind that the person asked me by texting me and demanding I lose about 14 kg to fit into the size 8 outfit she'd purchased for $20 for me at Rockmans. Hey, no worries. I'm cool with that. We have been friends for the better part of 17 years, and maybe we've drifted apart (a long ways apart) but you know, that's fine, I'm honoured and so on.
And then I got sacked as a bridesmaid. Again via SMS.
Yeah, I know. Sucks to be me.
Why was I sacked? Because she had too many people who wanted to be her bridesmaid. So she knew I would nice about it and wouldn't mind not being one. Plus she realised I wasn't keen on going from a size 12 to a size 8. (I know that never a more lying lie was uttered by a somewhat less-than-skinny woman, but you know, while I'd dearly love to be a size 8 I'm not prepared to do the eleventy-million hours of exercise or vomiting that would require. )
From whence I was sacked as a bridesmaid I heard nothing from my friend, who is getting married in my home town of Dullsville on Boring. Until this weekend, when she texts me to tell me the wedding is on the 16th of June. About a month away, for those who can't count.
I have very little leave accrued at work. I have about 40,000 frequent flyer points, enough for a flight to Sydney and back again, but meaning I'd have to spend another $200 or so to get home, plus associated costs (ie, outfit).
My boss is away that same period in time, so at most I'd be able to take about two days off, meaning about 14 hours of flying/driving time in four days plus associated guilt at leaving my work colleagues in the lurch.
My question is: should I go to the wedding, or should I beg off with some lame excuse and not go?
Complication: my parents know of the wedding and are excited about seeing me.
Further complication: it will be an awful wedding and I am pretty sure the bridal waltz will be to something by Garth Brooks or Evanescence, the food will be awful and the wine... it will be horse piss. At best. The food will be unspeakable.
Another question: Am I snob?
Advice needed. I don't know what to do! My friend is my friend, despite the fact that we're about as different as two people could be and I got sacked as a bridesmaid. But ... it's going to cost at least a bit of money, and while I can afford it, I am trying to save some money. And ... I don't like the bloke she's marrying.
So there you go. That's my dilemma. To go or not. Whaddya reckon?