1. On the train
Woman doing crossword: I think all the people who make the crosswords must be Jewish.
Woman: Well, listen to this. 'Jewish skullcap'. Eight letters. How am I supposed to know that?
Woman: There are always Jewish questions in the crosswords.
Woman: I'm just saying it's probably a Jewish thing. Crosswords.
Random stranger: It's called a yarmulke.
Woman: Oh. Thanks.
2. On the street
Man one: I was thinking I could use the voucher for some boardies.
Man two: What? From David Jones?
M1: Yeah, I need some new boardies.
M2: But it's for $500 - why not get a suit?
M1: I want some boardies.
M2: Yeah but you can get boardies for, like, fifty bucks at City Beach. What are you going to do with the rest of the money?
M2: And anyway they have shit boardies there. You should get a suit.
M1: What am I going to do with a suit?
M2: What about Bob's wedding?
M1: Like I'm going to buy a suit for that.
M2: Why not?
M1: Well I'm in the wedding party and I'm not going to make the whole wedding change its ***ken colours just 'cause I bought suit at David Jones, right?
M2: Yeah but...
M1: Anyway, I want some ***ken boardies.
3. At work
Colleague L, who is about 33 and has two children: I'm glad I had kids but I wish I'd had them younger.
Colleague M, who is about 21: Yeah I'm going to have one by the time I'm 27.
Colleague A, who is 28: That's younger than me, M.
L: I tell you, A, you're already getting too old.
M: Yeah A.
A: God, you know I don't want kids. Anyway, 28 isn't too old to have kids even if I wanted them.
L: It's just that I'm so tired all the time. If I'd had kids younger maybe I wouldn't be so tired.
A: And you never what's going to happen, M.
M: I've already got a good job and a boyfriend, so all I need to do is get married by the time I'm 25 and I'll be fine.
A: (Sarcastically) Well let's hope everything goes to plan then.
M: I just don't want to regret it.
A: I'm not going to regret not having kids. Anyway, I can always go and look after L's kids.
M: How do you know you won't regret it?
A: I'm 28 years old, M, I've got a pretty good idea of what I think about things!
M: Well don't say I didn't warn you.