And you think feminists hate men?

Who is this Sam person and why does she write like she's Cleo Magazine's new Editorial Assistant? (According to her personal website she is the author a book called Luv ‘n txt: The Secrets of Text Appeal. And for this she's been given her own blog at SMH. Bless.)

Anyway, she's bravely tackled that age old problem for women everywhere: the commitmentphobe. I know this is groundbreaking stuff -- all you gals out there who were wondering why Mr Promising just turned into Mr Fizzle now have all the answers. (As an aside, I thought commitmentphobes went out of fashion when the metrosexual came in? I just can't keep up with all these manfads.) Sam writes:

Single men - we're onto you. We know you think it is hip and cool to be unattached. You brag to your mates about your latest conquests, gloat over the girl who won't stop calling/text messaging/emailing and snicker how you have no idea why she's in love with you, declaring "I only went out with her once. It meant nothing!"

What Sam is describing here is not actually a single man, it is a jerk.

Luckily for us, Sam has cribbed some advice from some US users guide to those mysterious testicle bearing beasts roaming the urban jungle -- commonly called "men" -- for those confused Manolo-clad model types otherwise known as "women".

So what's the right way for women to tackle the commitment issue? "Many men freak out when the commitment discussion comes from nowhere," says Jason Michael, author ofThe Nitty Gritty on Men, a guide aimed to help women understand the antics of the opposite sex. (Finally!)

So I'm guessing Sam was in a coma since, say, 1975, and missed the whole dating-self-help publishing phenomenon of the last two decades. All I can say is that I wish I'd never encountered Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus either.

"Don't freak him out with an unrealistic expectation... find a convenient time and place to talk, choose your words carefully, and don't make demands like, 'Listen, we have to talk seriously.'" (Don't men just hate that?) Rather, Michael suggests telling him how much you enjoy spending time with him and what he means to you. "When you convey your feelings using a direct yet warm approach you'll find that he will be more comfortable expressing his feelings to you."

And if he still refuses to commit? Don't fret. As the age-old proverb goes, "When a man repeats a promise again and again, he means to fail you anyway."

What a load of bollocks. Don't freak him out -- what is he, a toddler? Don't make demands in case he high-tails it to the nearest strip club? Shouldn't a man over the age of about 25 be able to cope with a quick chat about whether or not you're a couple or "seeing other people" or whatever? Jesus.

And what the hell is the warm yet direct approach? "Dude, I know you pashed Kelly on the dance floor at Mansions last weekend but I got to you first! If you see her again I'm going to kick you in the balls! But I only because I care about you heaps!"

As for Sam's age old proverb, I'm not at all sure what that means. Doesn't a commitmentphobe like, not make promises in the first place? How can someone who won't make a commitment let you down if they haven't actually offered you anything in the first place? If someone tells you that you're their one and only, and then they go off chasing anything else in a skirt, they're not a commitmentphobe, they're a liar.

Apart from the fact that this is a steaming pile of bullshit, what gets me is the way that men are constructed as self-centred simpletons who need careful manouvering into coupledom.

This is how Sam describes your average single man: "messy, greedy, sports-loving, junk-food-scoffing and as womanizing". Presumably a relationship somehow transforms Homo Singlemanus into a tidy, selfless gourmet who only watches sport sometimes, tosses a mean salad and only has eyes for you.

Seriously, my dear male readers, aren't you sick of this rubbish? Don't you get pissed off every time you turn on the TV and there you are, being presented as some idiot who needs a woman to work any domestic appliance in the home? Aren't you over the idea that you need to be tidied up and polished by the love of a good woman?

The comments are wonderful too. And it doesn't seem that these men see themselves as diamonds in the rough in need of a good woman. No, they seem to see women as, well, something unspeakable stuck to the bottom of their shoe. From a charmer called 'Down with Tease and Sleaze':

BTW - It is a known fact that men dont date women over 35. Biologically your pretty much past it by then. Even a thirty year old Sydney bird is probably going on seven or eight in dog's years at this stage! Now this goes for men in their 30's, 40's and 50's. They want someone younger, sweeter and more real! Not the career obsessed, one night stand, booze buses that you see in the inner city every Saturday night. Or does 'high maintenance, ball crushing, pain in the ass' do for it you? Well i hope you get the flavour, baby!

So enjoy the good times while you have them. No wonder guys don't want the damaged goods being served up disguised as Sydney women! What's the attraction in a shagged out mess who has seen better days and wants you to carry around her emotional baggage for the rest of your days or until the divorce courts rip your balls off and serve them up to her on a platter! No thanks, we can do alot better then that!

What a sweetheart.

How about Aussi:

I am in my mid forties and have been happily married for 18 years.
Want to know the secret.
We have the old style off marriage.
I am the Man the head of the Home.
(unbelievable and I am an Australia male)
My wife has been a housewife for 18 years with 5 children ( no blended family bullshit). She is feminine, who is good mother and devoted wife who is Australian. ( I have thank her deceased father who raised her up with discipline and unspoilt).
She hates the feminist bullshit ( in Germany it translates to "Mad Cow disease"} much as i do.

His wife is secretly planning to posion him with oleander soup, after which she will marry her lesbian lover and run away to Mexico.

Ladies, Ilpostino (Italian for knobhead) will come around and trim your hedge whenever you want:

Two things:
1. Human pair bonding is menat to last 4-7 years on average.
2. Women are attracted to marriage with beta-male providors.
I'll continue to be the secret lover on the side who provides women with everything that's been missing from their marriage. Ilpostino - first class male

How about this charmer:

Well, I'd like to share my positive experience. The lady of my life is committed to me and I am to her. She's gorgeous, blonde loving and totally faithful. I give her all the attention I can (and boy she needs some!), and I don't stray. We help each other all the time, I get the groceries in, she fetches things for me sometimes; sometimes I let her sleep with me.
Best Golden Retriever I ever owned.

I do have a soft spot for Stoked however, even if he gets a C- for spelling and grammar:

Hey Fella's stop bagging our women.
Aussie women are some of the most beautfull women in the world, just because you made the wrong choice is no fault of the girls.
Im married to a girl who likes everything from bold and the beautiful to rally cross, will watch all sports with me and knows the rules to them all and whats happing, while i go get the next round of beers, she is beautifull smart(accountant), leans left in politics ,I own and run my own business. If i want go out with the boys i dont need her permission and she dont need my in return, most hurdles are crossed if you have TRUST, LOVE and RESPECT for them as a person and not as something you own or have rights too.If something looks high maintenace.....it probably is.

And then I got bored and couldn't read anymore about how 'Asian women' know how to treat a man and what horrible washed up hags Sydney women are.

I can't wait to see what other fascinating critiques of gender relations Sam will be coming out with over the next few weeks -- or what incisive and thoughtful comments her readers will leave behind.

Comments

[Anna Winter]

Oh My God It's Hideous.

[Nomes]

It's a bit like a car crash that you can't look away from...awful.

[Cristy]

Yuck. That is some truly frightening stuff - made all the more frightening by the fact that I can almost hear the male voices in question. eew...

I wonder how she feels about hosting such repulsive comments on her site? Flattered? I really hope not.

[Liam]

"Seriously, my dear male readers, aren't you sick of this rubbish?"
No, Kate, I think your male readers are too busy dealing with the genuine horror.
Hideous? Repellent? Now that's just an invitation to demonstrating the sickness and irretrievable decline of our society. Let's delve into the Internet Freak Files a little bit for something to trump the moderately freaky comments left.
[searches for a while]
Ah yes, here's one. All the way (thankfully) from the Iowa state prison comes Travis Frey...
http://www.thesmokinggun.com/archive/0217062contract1.html

[Liam]

Oh, and I should warn that readers should be prepared to leave adequate time between lunch and reading to deal with inevitable nausea.

[Kate]

Oh yes, our friend Travis has been all the rage on the the US feminist sites. Your warning is quite apt.

Here's the Twisty takedown:
http://blog.iblamethepatriarchy.com/2006/02/17/mate-expectations/

[TimT]

Her friends seem to be jerks as well. Check out this from her blog:

“Men like to be in control all the time,” James puffed over the phone during a run on his treadmill. I had decided to call James, the most senior player in the game, (he is a master at manipulating girls into doing whatever he wants despite the fact that as a rule, he never texts back)."

http://samanthabrett.blogspot.com

[Kate]

I tell ya, if I were an alien and I came to earth and I ran into men and women like them I'd head back to my genderless space utopia where everyone just had a damn good time and stopped trying to mindfuck each other.

[Liam]

'“My boyfriend was with another girl when he was away,” she said quickly, taking a sip of her Starbucks caramel frappuccino.'
Death's too good for them all. I call for Valerie Solanas to be dug up from her grave, and set upon the Fairfax lifts with a pistol.

[Fyodor]

Back to your fine form, I see, Oh Andrea-Harris-of-the-Marxoid-Feminazi-Left.

Not sure what's funnier: the fact that people still take this pop-psych, "Guys are dawgs but we luv 'em anyway" bullshit seriously, or your apoplectic response. I swear my monitor was smoking from your textual frustration. *wipes sweat off brow*

As for Ms. Brett, I reckon Miranda Airy-Fairy's diary had more sense AND was more entertaining. OF COURSE men exploit women. There's no mystery whatsoever about what men want. The question is, and always has been, why do women let them get away with it?

"I tell ya, if I were an alien and I came to earth and I ran into men and women like them I'd head back to my genderless space utopia where everyone just had a damn good time and stopped trying to mindfuck each other."

Sheesh. You wanna ban mindfucking as well?!! What else are you gonna fuck after you've lost all the fun bits in this genderless "utopia" of yours? Marxoid-Millenarian-Utopianist Killjoy!

[Kate]

Oh silly Fyodor if we banned mindfucking what would you do with your time?

"The question is, and always has been, why do women let them get away with it?"

Indeed. One school of thought goes that in the good ole patriarchal order, there is exploitation and then there are worse forms of exploitation: and that women are so busy trying for the less worse forms of exploitation that we miss the aim of the game, which is to be not exploited at all.

[Fyodor]

"Oh silly Fyodor if we banned mindfucking what would you do with your time?"

Well, quite.

Mind-masturbation isn't half as fun as it sounds. Just ask Graeme Bird.

[Kate]

I would ask him but I'm afraid he might start frothing at the mouth and calling me a Stalinist.

[Fyodor]

"Start"? The man's a human firehose of bile.

Besides, you ARE a Stalinist, aren't you? As I recall, you have some serious apologising to do, young person of the feminine gender, for those awful holocaustic crimes you keep denying. Boo hiss.

[Kate]

Yes but so far he hasn't frothed in my direction, for which I am thankful.

Oh yeah -- sorry everyone about the gulags, the death camps, the long march, the cultural revolution, Pohl Pot, and the current Chinese regime!

[worldpeace_and_aspeedboat]

ahhhh! I could barely read the article let alone the comments afterwards. you must have more tentacity than me. my head was ready to explode.

what a load of crappy bollocks. from just about every viewpoint.

[worldpeace_and_aspeedboat]

btw - just bothered to look at this chick's website. now my head really IS going to explode!!!

[dudecool]

i only think of middle finger. its rally a finger and its middle of 2 . if human have 5 .

[tigtog]

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