I don't write much about my family or my relationships with my friends all that much here. Despite revealing to you, dear readers, my depression and anxiety and my fears and thoughts about a great many other things, writing about my family is not something I care to do that much. Like all families, we have our good moments and our bad, our fraught relationships, and a shared history of love and anger and joy and disappointment.
But today I will write about my youngest brother, because I am incredibly proud of him right now. He turned 18 a few weeks ago and today got his HSC results. He did really well, 77.2 UAI and marks in the 70s and 80s for all of his subjects, including doozies like Physics and Chemistry. His worst subject was always English, and when I was home I gave him a bit of last-minute coaching which I like to think helped him get his 70 percent exam mark. He's decided to become an engineer and he's got the marks to go to a well-known and respected university, in a big town where we have family to support him.
One of the reasons I am so happy about this is because the boys in my home town don't do well. They drop out of school and society, and spend much of their teenage years smoking bongs and drinking pre-mixed canned drinks. They live at home and on the dole. They seem to drift from part-time job to part-time job. Lots of the girls do this too, and of course there are the inevitable teen pregnancies, but the pull of small town ennui seems to be something the young men have particular trouble escaping. From my final year, about 10 girls went to university. Of the boys, only two did.
Then there's the suicide rate of young men, which is especially high in rural communities.
I sense that all this is connected to issues around employment rates in traditional male jobs in rural economies, family situations, and a 'macho' culture at work in the bush that emphasises stoicism and punishes difference, and I think this really really damages a lot of men. Including men in my family, men close to me who I love and I care about.
My father, for instance, has battled depression for a very long time, but I only recently realised the depth of his problems and how intimately connected to ideas about 'what men do' that his fears were. Being a husband and a provider is so connected to my father's idea of self that when he thought he was going to lose some of that, he seriously considered suicide. I was the only person he thought he could confide in, which is a huge strain to put on a father-daughter relationship. I talked him into counselling and taking medication which I think made a difference, and he's doing much better now.
Anyway. Given that, and given that in my brother I see an echo of our family fragility, I was incredibly worried that he might not make it this far. That the culture of our home town would drag him in, or that he'd get lost in drugs and booze like so many of the boys I grew up with. Of course, he's got to survive university, but I think he'll be okay. He seems sensible and grounded and when I talk to him I think he's someone I really like, and not just because he's my brother.
And I'm proud of him for studying while all his mates were off getting pissed and playing computer games, and I'm proud of my family for giving us -- my brother and I -- a safe space in which our desire to learn and read was fostered and encouraged.
Because of course that's the other noxious thing I encountered when I was growing up: suspicion and distrust because I was the kid who always read books, because I was the kid who wanted to stay inside and write an assignment rather than go out with my friends and get drunk when I was 14. The anti-intellectualism I encountered was a complex thing, and to do with class and income and lots of other things, and I think I could write reams trying to understand it, but it was there and it was real and it made life difficult.
So. Well done to my little brother, for being such a good kid and for doing so well.
What a lovely post. Make sure you tell him how proud you are - I'm sure you have. He might think you're horrifically daggy for saying so, but it sneaks in, that good stuff.
Yay for him having such a tops big sister.
Posted by: Zoe | December 20, 2006 at 10:40 AM
Good on your brother! I grew up in a similar environment and know how rare that is. I had my own proud moment this week: my sister just got into uni to study teaching this year after working in a shopping mall for the five years since high school and thinking she wasn't bright enough to do what she'd always wanted.
Posted by: Ariel | December 20, 2006 at 11:27 AM
That's an excellent post, Kate, and he should be very proud of himself.
I can't think of a more unpleasant and challenging environment for young people than classes preparing for the HSC.
Posted by: Liam | December 20, 2006 at 11:27 AM
Congratulations to your brother!
Posted by: CW | December 20, 2006 at 12:50 PM
Great post Kate.
I think that the anti-intellectualism that prevails in many schools (but particularly so in rural areas, I understand) is such a serious issue and one that doesn't get the attention that it deserves. However, even more serious is the constructed ideals of masculinity that also prevail in many of those schools and communities that make it incredibly difficult for young men to succeed academically.
My mother used to work on gender issues in education and people always assumed that this work focuses on girls and TEH FEMINIST AGENDA. However, a large part of her work actually involved working with schools and communities on how their ideas (and ideals) of masculinity were limiting the life choices of young men in the community and what could be done to change that. Shockingly, no doubt to many people, this is also what feminism is about.
p.s. A big Congrats to your little brother!
Posted by: Cristy | December 20, 2006 at 01:37 PM
I agree, a wonderful post and really good news about your brother's success.
Posted by: susozs | December 20, 2006 at 02:35 PM
Big congratulations to your brother!
I grew up in rural Balranald and was educated there until years 11 and 12 (when I went to a school in Sydney). At Balranald Central, the kids tended to be anti-high culture (they sneered at opera), though I'm not sure about anti-intellectual. There were always kids who'd muck up in Maths and English class, and whinge about it not being practical, though I don't think high achievers got punished. Then again, being something of a bookish lad myself, I was very much on the outer socially. It's an interesting subject, though - and it would be good to come at it from an adult perspective!
Posted by: TimT | December 20, 2006 at 03:11 PM
good on you for posting such an honest post and for supporting your family :) congrats to your Bruth, too!
Posted by: worldpeace_and_aspeedboat | December 20, 2006 at 06:32 PM
Hoorah for your brother, dood! How proud you must be!
Posted by: dogpossum | December 20, 2006 at 08:39 PM
Thanks everyone. He's a great brother and I am very proud of him.
Posted by: Kate | December 21, 2006 at 10:17 AM
I suspect your brother might be a little bit proud of you too. Of course he'd probably never admit it, but I think he might be. You're a good role model.
Posted by: Mindy | December 21, 2006 at 06:35 PM