Yoohoo, over here!

I am sorry, I have been busy.

I have also been a bit down and really, if blogging has taught me anything, it's that People Find Depression Boring and You Should Keep the Woe Is Me to a Minimum. So I have decided not to inflict you all with round 978 of why I feel like crap -- it's the usual reasons, really, lashings of self-doubt creamed with a delicious sauce of loneliness and topped with the thick sugary layer of self-pity.

Hmmn. That sounds kind of yummy. Blues Cake! Depression Torte! F*cked up brain chemistry pudding! Why won't the voice in my head shut-up creme caramel!

Anyhoo, I have a dilemma. I have never been a bridesmaid. Evah. This is no doubt due to a number of factors: my tendency to befriend lesbians, my inability to live anywhere long enough to cement a friendship to bridesmaid stage, my snarky comments about the bridal industrial complex, and the fact that I don't really have a lot of close friends because I am not the sort of person who makes friends easily blah blah depression-cakes and so forth.

So I had come to terms with my non-bridesmaid status as one by one my friends shuffled to the altar with other people in their bridal parties, came out of the closet, or just eschewed marriage altogether for babies and happy non-wedded status.

All good.

And then I was asked to be a bridesmaid! Yahoo! Never mind that the person asked me by texting me and demanding I lose about 14 kg to fit into the size 8 outfit she'd purchased for $20 for me at Rockmans. Hey, no worries. I'm cool with that. We have been friends for the better part of 17 years, and maybe we've drifted apart (a long ways apart) but you know, that's fine, I'm honoured and so on.

And then I got sacked as a bridesmaid. Again via SMS.

Yeah, I know. Sucks to be me.

Why was I sacked? Because she had too many people who wanted to be her bridesmaid. So she knew I would nice about it and wouldn't mind not being one. Plus she realised I wasn't keen on going from a size 12 to a size 8. (I know that never a more lying lie was uttered by a somewhat less-than-skinny woman, but you know, while I'd dearly love to be a size 8 I'm not prepared to do the eleventy-million hours of exercise or vomiting that would require. )

From whence I was sacked as a bridesmaid I heard nothing from my friend, who is getting married in my home town of Dullsville on Boring. Until this weekend, when she texts me to tell me the wedding is on the 16th of June. About a month away, for those who can't count.

I have very little leave accrued at work. I have about 40,000 frequent flyer points, enough for a flight to Sydney and back again, but meaning I'd have to spend another $200 or so to get home, plus associated costs (ie, outfit).

My boss is away that same period in time, so at most I'd be able to take about two days off, meaning about 14 hours of flying/driving time in four days plus associated guilt at leaving my work colleagues in the lurch.

My question is: should I go to the wedding, or should I beg off with some lame excuse and not go?

Complication: my parents know of the wedding and are excited about seeing me.

Further complication: it will be an awful wedding and I am pretty sure the bridal waltz will be to something by Garth Brooks or Evanescence, the food will be awful and the wine... it will be horse piss. At best. The food will be unspeakable.

Another question: Am I snob?

Advice needed. I don't know what to do! My friend is my friend, despite the fact that we're about as different as two people could be and I got sacked as a bridesmaid. But ... it's going to cost at least a bit of money, and while I can afford it, I am trying to save some money. And ... I don't like the bloke she's marrying.

So there you go. That's my dilemma. To go or not. Whaddya reckon?

Comments

[Nicole]

Umm ok. My "dry" answer. Fark the wedding. It'll add extra pressure you don't need, cost you money you could be saving for your own wedding. I know, I know, your parents are excited.....but at the moment think what's best for you.

Miss K - Something must be in the air, I've been blue and I don't have a "reason" for it at the moment! I will say.....medication works.

[coz]

Sometimes you have to just please yourself and just say 'No. Make something up if you need to, work, money, fake your own death etc.
Doesn't sound like much fun and a bitch to organise to boot.
Stay home and open a bottle of wine in their honor.

[ampersandduck]

Yeah, I'm with thems above. Surely your friend will sympathise with the fact that you have your own wedding to plan? Send them a killer present (something deliciously crafty: you have the whole craft interweb to buy from) and lots of lavish apologies and then kick back and do your own thang.

[Laura]

I reckon don't go. She'll be so focused on a million other things that she won't have time or the inclination to linger over it. You have good reasons for not going, too.

[Blue]

Consensus rule! i agree - don't go. Its not worth it. I have a friend like this with whom I have little in common other than history, if we met tomorrow we would not connect at all! Much better to leave comms to sms & email....

I think it must be full moon time - cause I've been having my own little pity party, odd, no one came :-P

[elsewhere]

Well, at least you've been saved apricot taffeta and puff sleeves over the years.

I dunno, can you be a snob if you even contemplated wearing something that cost $20 at Rockmans?

[ThirdCat]

It sounds like you don't really want to go, but you could picture yourself the day after the wedding. Do you feel better if you wake up in your old bed in your mum and dad's house or in your new bed in your current house?

I don't think you're a snob. You just have different tastes. That's what makes the world go round.

Also, if you don't go, remember to send someone something that they can read out for you at the wedding.

[Cristy]

I don't think that you should go, but agree with &Duck and ThirdCat - send a great original present and a lovely message and all will be forgiven.

I also think that you somehow manage to sum up perfectly the reasons that I have also never been a bridesmaid. Amazing.

In answer to your other issues:

I don't think that you are a snob, but I may well be guilty of being one, so I may not be the best judge...

Just promise your parents a nice long phone call and tell them that you are saving for your own wedding (which should excite them somewhat...).

[Cristy]

That should have been 'managed'... When will I learn to read back over my comments before I post them?

[Zoe]

Oh, I say go! You can write a hilarious slaggy blog post after and we can start a competition about "vilest wedding I have ever been to". I fancy my chances for that one after Owy's cousin's special day.

I think the nub of it is that you don't like the guy, innit?

[The Devil Drink]

Well I reckon you should go, because travel like nothing else tends to cheer people up. It's a break in routine, a bit of novelty, you know.
As for the wedding, my two part plan of attack would be this:
1. Get really, thoroughly, Australian-cricket-team drunk, and
2. Punch on.
Every decent drama-wedding needs someone to take responsibility for starting a fistfight at some point in the night, and let's face it, it's a lot more enjoyable than bridegrooming.
"horse piss. At best."
That's free horse piss.
"Another question: Am I snob?"
If you were, would that be so wrong?

[Mindy]

Whatever you decide to do, your decision should be sent via SMS. I'm in the 'don't go' party. I am assuming that your other half will be away and there is nothing worse than going stag to a wedding and not having someone to bitch to, and having lots of people giving you 'understanding' looks and going 'oh, he's working, riiigggghhhtttt'. Save yourself the money and the hassles. Parents will forgive you, that's what they are for.

[otherkate]

Having invited you, by SMS, one month before the day, knowing that you live on the other side of the country and will have to organise leave and plane fares, I'm thinking Don't Go.

I went to a Christian Fundy wedding Zoe - as my mate's date (a female friend) just after she'd broken up with her boyfriend. I had two glasses of champagne, it was over by 10.30 and kicked on to a party that was just getting going. Those fundies all look really really young. I assume it's because they did not spend their 20s drinking whiskey and staying out late on the dancefloor. I was 26, I felt haggard. The food was good but.

[The Devil Drink]

No, they did, otherkate, it's just that most of the Christian youth groups ruthlessly exclude their ugly and/or poor friends, leaving only the beautiful elect.

[Cellobella]

What do you *want* to do?

Forget everything else - the social pressures, the slights, the fact that your folks would like to see you, and that you don't really like the guy...

Just decide what you want to do.

But as Mindy says RSVP by SMS. (classic!)

If you don't go, hey why not *splurge* on a $20 dress from Rockmans? Or somewhere nicer?

Retail therapy usually lifts my mood though when shopping for clothes I usually end up with another book.

[harry]

Fuck.
That.
Bitch.

SHE dissed you. Diss back. I suggest listening to a Lily Allen's CD "Alright, Still"

(oh, and Mindy is the most delightfully evil women I have ever known. She should give workshops.)

[Ariel]

Bloody hell. I'm in the 'go if you feel like it' camp. And it sounds like you don't.

If she asked you to lose weight to fit into a dress she bought two sizes too small for you(?!), ditched you as bridesmaid (by SMS?!), then sent you an invite one month prior (by SMS?!), and you don't like the groom - NO OBLIGATION. And your parents love you unconditionally - they'll want what's best for you.

The only thing is that a trip may do the depression thing a world of good - if there will be people you like there and if, like me, a visit with the fam would cheer you up.

Hey, I wrote a post on depression a week ago and never put it up, pretty much for the reasons you described. Sounds from these comments like, at the moment, misery does love company - there's a bit of it about. Hope you are feeling cheerier soon.

[worldpeace_and_aspeedboat]

pfffffft!

don't go, for all of the above reasons. it sounds like to need to be convinced that going is a good thing, because you know that actually, it isn't. and there's not many of us who are inclined to convince you particularly strongly!

stay home, save money, send a nice pressie, and bugger the friend who SMSs life's milestones. how banal.

btw, I've never been a bridesmaid either. sometimes it hurts because I have thought I was better friends with one or two of the people involved. it makes you sort of feel you've been put in your place. hell, I introduced a couple and wasn't even invited to the wedding. that makes you feel loved, eh? someone told me afterwards that the bride was feeling possessive and jealous of a lot of her female friends, as if they were going to somehow capture the groom's eye before the event and whisk him away. uhuh. I hear some chicks go a bit nutty like that. who could have known? they're divorced now anyway, which in my evilness gave me a bit of a giggle. just a bit ;-)

mostly though, I feel happy for my friends, because they happen to rawk!

we should start a Never Been Bridesmaids club ;-)